Describing Everything

A thief, a liar, or a scholar “Everything important is invisible,” I see I am already dirt and words And … More

I would like to be somewhere else.

“Didn’t anyone tell you you can’t make homes out of people?” “What is family then?”

Fishes, fishes

“I’ve an old wives tales” “Yes that’s very good but you see I’ve got a young wife.”

I’ll take the high road for 500.

*makes a new friend who steals stuff* Polymath: This is fine.

*gets overwhelmed by trying to order chinese food* *starts to cry*

He wouldn’t like it if you could summarize him in a sentence.

There is some inconclusive evidence that I have been known to wear pants.

*takes anti-anxiety meds* *Time* *Starts crying* Sigh. Right. This is how this works.

Can Trump and Putin just bang already?

*spotify starts to play metal* Why do I feel like I’m standing in Hot Topic

5:49 am Me to body: WHAT DO YOU WANT Body: Omg. We’ve been over this. 

5:49 am Me to body: WHAT DO YOU WANT Body: Omg. We’ve been over this. 

Humanity: How are you? Me: I watched a ten year old take a shit, and Monsters inc

Body: Wake up Me:…zzzzzt Body: Wake up Me: what Body: No more sleep Me: Jesus is it four am Body: … More

Reason Seven

  “Where does your heart want to call home?” Ugh. Now I have to go to Europe and chase a … More

If you’re me you probably spend a lot of time worrying and feeling depressed and anxious. But hey at least you will … More

It’s not the yellows of September  which color me or the blue coattails of a rusty dusk but that the … More

In the past I have been able to kind disappear out of people’s lives without making it seem personal. I … More

Love note

Kitty kitty kitty can’t you see Sometimes your eyes just hypnotise me And I just love your kitty ways Toxoplasmosis … More

I find it quite comforting to know I am trapped in a linear progression.

I’m afraid where I live has failed the “safe for women who don’t want to be approached in public spaces … More

“Whelp, better sell this cow before it runs out of milk,” said the cow. “I won’t buy you,” said the … More

Sorry homeless Portland dude – I don’t go with hippies to second locations. #lifelessons #30rock

​Love like god is a favorite dream. Write it down. Throw it out. Drink the ink. Look forward to when … More

Wedged myself between a row of trees and a chain length fence so I can cry in private. Tomorrow I … More

You know your anti depressants may not be working when: You refuse to let yourself listen to Sarah Mclachlan  on … More

Stranger: So what made you want to take up biking? Me: I wasn’t catching enough Pokémon on foot. Stranger: What … More

Polymath: I want the thing Polymath *if socially acceptable*: Hey everyone I want the thing Polymath *if applicable*: You’re not … More

Destroy your emotions and achieve your final form. #deadbody #thisoneisnotmine #whydoyouhaveadeadbody #askedyoufirst

Brain: Want to think meloncoly thoughts about your ex? Nope. I’m gonna take a walk Brain: Last nights dream. About … More


Me: Maybe you don’t have to put this sticker on anything Myself: I’m putting this sticker on the floor Me:What … More

Sometimes I just want to lock everyone I know in a room and say: “Read these books, and those series. … More

Internal Monologues

Child: If I walk with this pizza crust out dogs will follow me around Me: Same Follow up: I just described … More


The weather is 46° with a chance of fuck off are you serious

As far as humans go babe is reserved for significant others. Most animals are also babe. Additionally my dog now … More

The majority of people have a funny reaction when I talk about getting a tailored suit. My favorite are the … More

A kid I supervise said one of the best things. “Eat poop on fire?” #neverforget

“God refuses to shit in his box” #catnames