“You’re impossible.” “Was that not throughly established?” Advertisements
Strong Women go “GRRrawr”
Saw Neil Gaiman tonight! Cried on the train. I am on the train. Two notes. Neil Gaiman says “Write to … More
“Your husband wants to be a girl.”
At 24 I collect several marriage proposals.
They warned me because I was a woman. They said, “Cross your leg.” I stared at the cotton … More
Also he let me spit gum in his hand.
Declaration of self Toss a salad Start a fire Deprive anyone of water, and the cost of your loss is … More
hypothermic procrastinating dyslexic lone wolves untie tomorrow and me with a hole in my pocket . . If madness be … More
I’ll be the one in the green hoodie in the closet.
“May I see your ID ma’am?” *makes dial up connection noise* “You know what nevermind.”
People would beat my ass if they found out how I was living. In a very small room with a bed … More
So I like to hang out on roofs. And trees. This is probably how I should introduce myself – because … More
“Whelp, better sell this cow before it runs out of milk,” said the cow. “I won’t buy you,” said the … More
Everyone’s like hey did you get a new pet? And I gotta be like, no I just like pictures of cats.
This is related. This is unrelated. This is a banana. What category does banana fit into? Unrelated.
What do you think it means to be alive? What does it mean to be human? I always thought the … More
At work a child tries to feed me a “poopsicle.” I accepted a ride from a friend’s brother and eat … More
I had an interesting conversation with my boss. I asked him what his seventh deadly sin would be, the worst … More
What’s the hippie version of lotion? Shea butter What was your major? How to be an Ecologically Aware Hippie. But … More
Concerned Family member: Please keep your anxious lover away from medication Polymath: Wait, how do I say this nicely, no
“Will you be mine Dear Will you be mine?” Sexual facade. The inception of life can be essentially worthless – … More
Everyone: So how’s life going? Me: I just vaccumed up a sock Everyone: Again? Me: Yeah. But it was my … More
“What did you have for breakfast?” “A bowl of squash.” “Seriously?” “Would I lie to you?” “Yes.” “Correct. Still, had … More
When your best friend from middle school admits his undying love for you on your birthday-anniversary of your dead cat … More
Fuck me right?
“How am I being passive aggressive?” She asked passive aggressively.
There are two kinds of people. Yes.
No self-conscious inducing compliments No one seems to mind if I’m being myself – which is all I really care about … More