[Looks down at sleeveless shirt]


“Well, girl, it appears your clothes are getting holes in them again.”

“You’ve had that shirt for twelve years.”

(Defensively) “I know how getting holes works.”



“If only I could get rid of my daughter.” 

Everyone: How’s adult life going? Me: I just vacuumed up a sock

Friends on Facebook be like: “Bought a house!” “Had a kid!” “Investment banking!” And I’m like: “At ten am I … More

Literally anything: Here’s some advice

Finding doctors like:

Me: What is your specialty Me: Okay that is also wrong with me Me: Please fix One doctor down, two … More