In Which I Decide Not to Date Another Mama’s Boy After Doing Just That

At this current juncture I have dated what is four mama’s boys. Disclaimer: This is being written in a break up fugue and so my opinions will be generally softened therein. I am blessed in that my subjects do not read my blog.

So I find myself asking “C.A.R.S.K. how did you become involved with a Mama’s boy yet again? Didn’t you learn your lesson?” I give my answer in two parts. Part one, mama’s boys are everywhere. The caretaker/child relationship creates a power imbalance that is often misunderstood and abused. Especially in the age of the manchild. See reactions to the new all female ghostbusters movie and Donald Trump for reference. ‘

The second part has more to do with me personally. I grew up in what is social isolation with what is a tyrannical and brilliant mother. Combining my nature with my childhood in New York… simply put I can be a bossy little son of a bitch. I encourage -even rejoice- in honest anger and requests including telling me to fuck off. Once ya’ll realized that I am vulnerable in my ability and that I heartily appreciate correction one may feel compassion rather than mind numbing frustration. So in summary; do not tolerate treatment you do not like and you will have my respect. But this is not a story about that.

To set the scene I need to include a detail which is if we were living in a different age would have had me turned into a spider by a jealous god; I’m attractive. While a matter of perspective biologically speaking; I’m attractive. In terms of symmetry, measurements, small feminine form. Dark eyebrows, full lips, high cheek bones. I have spent decades trying to ignore, apologize, or negate this. Forget it. I’m attractive. Please for the love of Guia can we move on.

So on to the species Mamma’s Male, genus Headache, subgroup age < 29. In my field experience the mothers of males who find me at times delightful would like nothing better than to feed them dinner of my entrails, or in the very least terminate our involvement. I believe this comes from the misconception that beauty and sex are weapons and power, rather than biological markers, and the pervasiveness of a phenomena I like to call: Heteronormative up the ass. The US is weird.

I also believe that a portion of the Mamma’s Male have a weakness for the strong or domineering woman, making me honey for flies who essentially want to ‘get in me’ and vice versus. If you don’t get it don’t worry about it it’s a sex thing. That has nothing to do with flys. Shudder.

The first warning sign that I might be involve with a Mamma’s Male is their desire for me to meet their mothers within the first year. *vomits everywhere* The second sign, is that they think that this is a great idea, encouraged by said mother. The mother then, after having a visceral reaction to me, sets out to sabotage the relationship. The last sign I am involved with a Mamma’s boy is trouble. I function like a stereotypical male in that I enjoy direct communication and confrontation, and that I have fumbled my way into avoiding regular female companionship since puberty. The relationships are hamstrung, if not decimated by the developments therein.

The end!

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