A Night to Remember

At work a child tries to feed me a “poopsicle.” I accepted a ride from a friend’s brother and eat leftovers. We had meant to get coffee. My stomach ache is food posioning. We walk while I’m distracted. I throw up at home. I say, I have to take a work phone call after this video. I explain food posioning does not a sexy time make, bite the human, say “bad human,” take advantage of their competetive nature by challenging them to a push up contest after they physically overpower me, panic about being alone in the house, realize I gave my pepper spray away, text people as he watches me text, he ignore my hints to leave, eventually just tell him “goodbye,” since at this point my phone won’t stop going off (unintentionally helpful), and I have a work call coming up in a undisclosed period of time. Also this human asked me why I had a rape whistle. Is camping whistle.

Talk to people.

Awake in room. After midnight. Car stops outside my window. Figure steps out. Stare. It is ex-best friend and family member Little Hurricane who was in serious legal trouble, whose girlfriend stole from me and has verbally threatened me, and who for whatever reason I love unconditionally. They’re beat to hell. They come inside. They are watered, offered advil, and I put a rainbow band-aid on them. Once they tell me all their legal trouble is settled I ask if they’d be offended if I made some phone calls to confirm. This quickly goes to hell. It is so good to see them. They leave. It breaks my heart.

Hours before I hadn’t heard from them in six months. Hours before I said how I missed them, I told stories about them in an attempt to cheer myself up. How every time we’d have breakfast, when I was underweight, they’d silently challenge me to finish all the food on my plate. The only way to show that I understood was to accept.

We’d play a game where I’d do as many of their dishes as I could before they’d catch on and stop me. Every time. Like clock work.

This is one of my most important people. I may never see them again and it super mega sucks.

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